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More Tips for Addressing “Too Much Dialogue”
A turned back gives a different feeling than 2 friends facing each other Here are some more tips for addressing “too much dialogue” in your MS. You can also check out my previous post on this. And I found very helpful this post showing 8 dialogue problems and how to fix them by Louise Hornby and this post on how to fix common dialogue problems by Kristen Lamb/Alex Limberg. I started blogging because I took Kristen Lamb’s blogging course, so I highly recommend following her blog.
- Add Beats to Tie Dialogue to Setting and Convey Character
- Add Setting Filtered through Emotions
- Add Setting that Conveys Characterization
Add Beats to Tie Dialogue to Setting and Convey Character
“Beats are the bits of action interspersed through a scene, such as a character walking to a window or removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes. . . usually they involve physical gestures, although a short passage of interior monologue can also be considered a sort of internal beat.”
Self-Editing for Writers, by Renni Browne and Dave King, at p. 143.So, beats “allow you to vary the pace of your dialogue” and to “tie your dialogue to your setting and character.” Id. at 144-146. I realized that in the initial drafts of my WIP, there would be pages of dialogue without any mention of place. So even just a descriptive sentence about the setting (using smell or taste) helps give the reader the sense of where they are.
Also, beats are “a powerful way to convey your characters.” Id. at 151. The examples in Self-Editing for Writers (one of my go-to craft books) show you how to do it. They explain that the beats “give a feel for the pauses in the conversation.” Id. at p. 149. Beats can deepen the emotional content. Id. at 157.
As they state,
The best way to fine-tune the rhythm of your dialogue, of course, is to read it aloud. Listen for the pauses as you read, and if you find yourself pausing between two consecutive lines, consider inserting a beat at that point.”
Self-Editing for Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King, at p. 151.If it’s a quick repartee, however, don’t add beats, which will be distracting and lessen the tension.
Add Setting Filtered Through Emotions
NYC at dusk Add setting, but through the character’s view point and emotional state. Is the character happy? Then the descriptions of setting should be upbeat.
As the writing guru Swain writes, “present[] your material subjectively, as your focal character receives it.” Techniques of the Selling Writer by Dwight V. Swain at p. 47. This book is another go-to writing craft book. My teacher Linnea Sinclair recommended it. (It is dry to read, though).
Add Setting that Conveys Characterization
“Don’t give the reader a Better Homes and Gardens description of the heroine’s apartment. Tell her that the week’s mail is piled on the kitchen table beside a dying philodendron or that the clothes she picked up from the cleaners last week are still hanging on the treadmill in her bedroom. These are details that characterize as well as create visual images.”
Writing with Emotion, Tension & Conflict by Cheryl St. John, at p. 125-126.Let’s Talk: Do you have more tips for addressing “too much dialogue”?
So, do you have any tips for addressing too much dialogue?
I hope you are all doing as well as can be. We visited the beach as a family for our second time out in 6 weeks.
Fire Island, New York We had “snow” (!) last week in New York City, although it melted by the time it hit the ground. Today, the sun is shining. If you go out, most people are wearing masks. I ventured out to the pharmacy, the bank and the post office (this is my first time going into stores since March 13). CVS (the pharmacy) was a bit like the game PacMan where you’d turn to go down an aisle, see a person and then back out to choose a different person-free aisle to go down.
Anyway, thanks for reading!
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Can there be too much dialogue in a manuscript?
Two Friends Talking Can there be too much dialogue in a manuscript?
According to some, yes.
Robert McKee’s Advice on Film Dialogue
I was taken aback by McKeeâs advice: âThe best advice for writing film dialogue is donât. Never write a line of dialogue when you can create a visual expression.â
As he explains in Story, âBut if you write for the eye when the dialogue comes, as it must, it sparks interest because the audience is hungry for it.â (Story, p. 393). Of course this is for film, and that’s different from a novel, but I still like the notion of the audience or reader being hungry for the dialogue.
I love writing dialogue. I also like to read dialogue. I read that much faster than long paragraphs of description. And of course, the above advice is for film. So does it also apply when writing a novel?
Studying the Techniques of Other Writers in My Genre
I can see that Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes has less dialogue than my MS. Some conversations are expressed via paragraphs like this one:
“When it got to the late afternoon, Evvie poured bourbon and made snacks, and they sat on the love seat with their feet on the coffee table and listened to the new episode of the true-crime podcast they’d both been following. Dean rolled his eyes and complained that the people were clearly never going to solve the case, and Evvie passed him a peanut butter cracker and said it was about the journey.”
Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes at p. 280So I ‘m going to review my MS and see what I can re-write in this manner.
And I’m in the middle of reading Star-Crossed by Minnie Darke (and I’m really enjoying it) and studying her technique.
And here’s a conversation that you definitely don’t want to hear in detail, which is the author’s point, as neither does her character Tara. Lol.
“Tara introduced herself to the silver-haired gentleman beside her, and before long was engaged in a conversation about an unpleasant-sounding bovine condition called campylobacter.”
Star-Crossed by Minnie Darke at p. 70.What is My Dialogue Doing?
As you’ve undoubtedly read, conversations have to move the plot forward or reveal something about the characters. See https://nybookeditors.com/2017/05/your-guide-to-writing-better-dialogue/. And I realized that some of my scenes were just fun banter. But can I keep some of that if it is humorous? I think they did reveal something of my protagonist, so I kept some of it, but shortened it.
The Well-Storied blog gives this great advice to “identify the tension at the core of the scene” and craft related dialogue. That’s just one of 19 good tips at https://www.well-storied.com/blog/write-better-dialogue.
And I also found this blog post from Ride the Pen very helpful about using body language tags to express emotion and convey conflict and character. See https://www.ridethepen.com/body-language-in-dialogue/ .
Adding Action
I also found this advice very helpful from The Editors Blog: “If characters only talk, if they donât respond to the conflict with action, then that conflict isnât accomplishing as much as it could. ” https://theeditorsblog.net/2011/10/25/dialogue-my-characters-talk-too-much/
All of the above blog posts are great resources, so I suggest reading them in full.
Three Take-Aways
- Review dialogue in MS and see if it is moving the plot forward or revealing something about my characters. (Or if it’s funny, in which case I also want to keep it.)
- Label my scenes as action vs. talking. See if I need to add more action. (Probably.)
- In talking scenes, check if the description can be enhanced such that it creates a “visual expression” (possibly via body language).
What’s your preference when reading? Can you share any advice about writing dialogue?
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Happy Book Birthday to Partner Pursuit!
Partner Pursuit in paperback Happy Book Birthday to Partner Pursuit! It’s been one year since the paperback publication of Partner Pursuit, and what a year it has been! Here are some favorite highlights from Partner Pursuit‘s launch.
Holding a Copy of My Book in My Hands
There’s nothing quite like holding the paperback copy of your book in your hands after so many years of work. I started writing Partner Pursuit years ago, after seeing a particularly bad romantic comedy and thinking I could do better. And then work and life got in the way until I finally took the Penguin Writer’s Academy “Constructing a Novel” course. My teacher, Bea Davenport, said that the dialogue between Audrey and Eve was “sparky.” That made my month. And gave me the hope that I could write commercial romantic comedy fiction. (That dialogue was from an early version of the scene between them in Chapter Six.)
Finding Readers Who Loved Partner Pursuit
Finding readers who loved Partner Pursuit was the most AMAZING feeling.
Thank you to all my readers. I can’t thank you enough. I’ve met so many people around the world now–from the United Kingdom, Norway, Croatia, South Africa, Australia, Canada, The Netherlands, and the US. Feel free to drop a note below if you’ve read Partner Pursuit and let me know where you’re from. it’s exciting to know it’s on e-readers and in libraries and on bookshelves around the world.
One of my favorites was the Partner Pursuit TikTok video by JSGoldenBooks on TikTok, so I definitely recommend checking that out. It captures so much of Partner Pursuit đ
Readers are giving it the most lovely reviews, and that means to much to me. Thank you.
My Friends Buying PP and Pushing It Up the Amazon Ranks
I was also so touched by all my friends buying Partner Pursuit and pushing it up the Amazon ranks where it hung out with Nora Ephron!!
And one of my friends even made a mini version of Partner Pursuit for me. I was so touched.
A mini scene reading Partner Pursuit Book Club Talks
Several book clubs invited me to join their book club meetings to discuss Partner Pursuit, and that was so uplifting! I did a few in person in New York City, and one over zoom with readers in New York City, one with readers around Washington, D.C. and another over zoom with readers in Connecticut. We had great talks about work/life balance and trying to succeed as a woman in corporate America. I also even did an author event at a law firm, and I was so impressed that the partner who organized it was a fellow romcom fan! He was able to guess the name of the bad romantic comedy I saw just from a brief description.
So, a huge thank you to everyone who invited me to come to your book club and discuss Partner Pursuit.
Awards
Partner Pursuit is a finalist in the Orange County Romance Writers Book Buyers Contest. I’m still so happy about that. I cried when they announced it. The winners will be announced in October but just placing to me is winning.
Partner Pursuit is a Finalist in the Book Buyer Best 2022 Contest. Partner Pursuit was also a quarterfinalist in the Screencraft Cinematic Book Writing Competition.
I also have to give thanks to the various writers organization (the Orange County Romance Writers and the Hudson Valley RWA) who supported PP when it was unpublished and thus gave me the courage to believe that it would find readers if published.
Happy Book Birthday to Partner Pursuit!
Happy Book Birthday to Partner Pursuit! If you read it, please comment below with where you’re from đ And don’t forget to see my behind-the-scenes post about PP.
It’s also been selected for a Kobo writing life promotion through September 26 where it is 40% off, so if you’re a Kobo reader, check it out.
Happy Book Birthday to Partner Pursuit!
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Meet Author Rayna York
Iâm excited for you to meet author Rayna York today on my blog, especially because her young adult romance The Right Kind of Unexpected releases on June 18! It’s available on Amazon.
The Right Kind of Unexpected Tess hasnât experienced many kindnesses in her eighteen years. When her boyfriend abandons her at a small-town gas station, itâs just one more crappy event to add to the pile. Without a car, money, or cell phone, her options are limited, and calling her parents isnât one of them. So when the family that owns the business throws her a lifeline, she grabs hold. Because even the worst situations can have a silver lining, and this one is a town called Jasper Creek, a diner everyone calls Earlâs, and a young mechanic named Colten Reed.
Rayna York’s standalone novel gives readers the small-town romance they crave with enough feels to make the heart sing. It’s the perfect feel-good, summer romance.My Review of The Right Kind of Unexpected
I want to spend summers in Jasper Creek with Coltonâs family! This was such a heartwarming romance, and I was rooting for both Tess and Colton to end up together. Colton was so attractive in personality (and physique). I really loved the voice and character of Tess, and I especially appreciated her ability to perceive others who were also hurting and in need of love and to look out for them. I loved her relationship with the cantankerous Jeb. I also loved the friendship between the three girls and the message that first impressions are not always right. Highly recommend!
Meet Author Rayna York
Kathy: The place is so real in Jasper Creek. Did you visit or spend summers in North Carolina?
Rayna: No. I have never spent summers in North Carolina. Jasper Creek was based on small towns I was familiar with as a teenager growing up in Ohio. When writing the novel, I googled the different terrains in North Carolina and placed my imaginary town near a larger city that wasnât fictional.
Kathy: The backstories were very well done in The Right Kind of Unexpected, and their scars from previous relationships really increased the conflict between Colton and Tess. Do you have any advice for creating those conflicts and back stories?
Rayna: Good question. I would emphasize the importance of knowing your characters well before writing the first draft. It will save you a lot of rewriting later on. Sometimes I know the character backstories ahead of times, but not always. I donât plot, so everything that happens in the novel happens organically through the characters dialogue. They create their own conflicts, based on their personalities and backstories, from the situations theyâre presented with.
Kathy: I especially appreciated her ability to perceive others who were also hurting and in need of love and to look out for them. I loved her relationship with the cantankerous Jeb. Was there anything that inspired that story?
Rayna: Not at all. That character showed up one day when I was writing. He interjected himself into the story and became one of my favorites, his story developing as I wrote.
Meet the Author Rayna York and Her Thoughts on Writing
Kathy: Whatâs your writing routine? Are you a pantser or a plotter?
Rayna: My writing routine is breakfast, clean the house, workout, have lunch, then write from one to four in the afternoon. If I am in the final stages, editing or in reader mode, I will spend four to six hours a day working, but I never forgo the workout. I need it to wake my brain up.
Iâm a pantser all the way. I tried to semi plot my latest first draft, thinking I would write out the entire story in a couple of days, giving me a baseline for everything to follow. It was hell. I was trying to guess what they would do instead of them doing it naturally, if that makes sense. As I said before, my novels progress on their own thru my characters dialogue.
Kathy: This is your third book. Do you have to read your books in order? And do you feel more assured now as a writer? Was this easier or harder to write than the first and second ones?
Rayna: All my novels are standalone works. I know that having a series is more profitable, but when I finish my manuscript, I donât want to live with those characters anymore. Iâm done with themâreally done. As far as being more assured as a writer, I think Iâve accepted I can only be as good as the time I put in, and that every time I write, my skills progress. Iâve also gotten past the imposter syndrome. That went away after the first novel. I am who I am. I may not be for everyone, but I accept myself as a writer, regardless.
My Favorite Question: If you could choose five writers to join you for a dinner party, who would you invite?
Kathy: And my favorite question: if you could choose five authors to join you for a dinner, who would you choose?
Rayna: James Patterson. Nora Roberts, Nicolas Sparks, Colleen Hoover, Penelope Douglass (because Iâm curious how that womanâs mind works) and Brigid Kremmerer.
Kathy: That would be an amazing dinner party. Thanks so much for joining me on my blog!
Let’s Talk
Where do you spend your summers? I spend most of my summer by a beach, but New York City has so many great summer events that it’s fun to experience those as well.
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Why I love HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS
How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days movie There are so many reasons why I love HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS. In my Gotham screenwriting class, we had to list our favorite movies and I said HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS. I’m pretty sure that’s the first time my teacher heard that movie listed. I think he even did a double-take đ
Kristen Buckley, Brian Regan and Burr Steers wrote the screenplay based on the comic book by Michele Alexander and Jeannie Long.
WHY I LOVE HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS
- Brilliant Premise
- Sparky Dialogue
- Set Scenes
- Inner Conflict
- Romance
- Rule of Three and Callbacks
- New York
PREMISE
The premise is brilliant because it insures that the two romantic leads in direct conflict. She is writing an article on how to lose a guy in 10 days making the mistakes some women make when dating (like being clingy or paranoid), so she is doing everything she can to lose him. He has to make a woman fall in love with him in 10 days and bring her to a client event in order to be able to pitch the diamond advertising account he wants. Basically no matter what she does, he is going to keep dating her.
The “diamonds are forever” angle adds another layer of conflict. He reminds himself that diamonds are forever, so this isn’t a one night stand. He wants to take it slow, changing the music and moving away from the bed; she is trying to make sure he is hooked by kissing him.
It’s also a twist on the “clumsy, emotionally open” romcom heroine because Andie is super cool and is only acting like the clingy and immediately emotionally open girlfriend to write the article.
SPARKY DIALOGUE
This one word dialogue exchange is so sparky and immediately showcases their chemistry and connection.
“Andie: Unattached?
Ben: Currently.
Andie: Likewise.
Ben: Surprising.
Andie: Psycho?
Ben: Rarely, Interested?
Andie: Perhaps.
Ben: Hungry?
Andie: Starving.
Ben: Leaving?
Andie: Now?”
From the script of HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS.
SET SCENES
The premise leads to some hilarious set scenes as she gets more and more desperate in her attempt to lose him. There’s the scene where he’s cooking a lamb dinner (“bringing out the big guns” to make her fall in love with him), and she has brought over a box of girly things to move into his apartment, even though it’s only the second time she’s been there. The frilly toilet cover was a particularly good touch. Her interrupting his poker night with the boys is another hilarious scene.
INNER CONFLICT
What’s also well done is that Andie and Ben are falling for each other, which renders Andy conflicted about behaving like a crazy girlfriend and even about writing the article.
Meanwhile, Ben feels like he’s dating two people:
Thayer:
“I thought you said after the Knicks games, she was a goddess.”
Ben
“Oh she was. That was the good Andie, this amazing, fun cool, sexy woman. I’m talking about the evil Andie now. It’s like a crack-enhanced Kathie Lee Gifford”
HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYSThis personality switch first happens at the Knicks NBA final basketball game. At first, they’re both having a great time, and then Andy remembers that she has to be a nightmare girlfriend, so, in the last minutes of a tight tied game, she asks Ben to get her a soda.
ROMANCE
The romance is also well-developed, starting from their cute meet to their clicking at the basketball game. But it’s at the weekend with his family in Staten Island, when Andie is herself again, that their feelings deepen and they both acknowledge that they feel something real for the other. She plays Bullshit with his family and learns that she’s the first girl he has ever brought home. He then teaches her how to ride a motorbike. And she gets emotional about the fact that his mom hugged her. Their kiss then is a more heartfelt, slow kiss.
CALLBACKS
HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS illustrates certain comedy techniques, namely Callbacks. First, in the dinner scene, she brings the baby fern over: “it’s a baby fern, just like our relationship, a helpless little baby in need of tender, loving care.” Second, when she interrupts his poker night, she sees that the baby fern is wilting (“Our love fern! You let it die!) and asks if he is going to let their relationship die. And finally, when Ben is pursuing her to win her back, he picks up the wilted love fern from her office and brings it to her.
The basketball game is also a recurring callback:
- the first game, when she makes him miss the final moment
- the second game: he thinks they will watch it from home, but she says she doesn’t eat meat so they have to go out and eat at a restaurant where he can’t see the game
- the third game: he thinks she has front row tickets (she doesn’t)
- the final game: they don’t watch it in at Madison Square Garden because they’ve broken up
Similarly, there’s a callback to the Bullshit game when she says she has to go to Washington D.C. to write the more substantive articles she wants to write and he says “bullshit.”
NEW YORK
And finally, it’s a love letter to New York with all the street scenes, the Knicks games, and even a visit to Staten Island.
Let’s Talk
Those are the reasons why I love HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS. What are your favorite lines and scenes from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? What do you love about it? Do you have other favorite romantic comedies?
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My Favorite Romantic Comedies
Here are some of my favorite romantic comedies (in alphabetical order).ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE
I highly recommend this film. The dialogue is smart and witty. I loved the relationships between all the characters.
See my post about how the wrong guy/girl in ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE propels the plot.
BABY BOOM
I love Diane Keaton. And Baby Boom has many empowering themes. The set-up is well done, showing how her relationship is lacking with her current boyfriend, the competitive atmosphere at the office, and how she has clipped this newspaper ad for this farmhouse in Maine. There’s the back-stabbing male colleague, her attempt at diapering the baby, her buying the falling-down farmhouse and building up her baby food business. And there is sizzling chemistry between Diane Keaton and Sam Shepard.
BRIDGET JONES’S DIARY
Love, love, love! I love her character and her friends, the chemistry with Hugh Grant and with Colin Firth sizzles, and the the triangle is brilliantly done. Brilliant dialogue. I think it’s so brilliantly based on Pride and Prejudice. Love everything about this movie. It’s a classic!
CLUELESS
Another classic. Based on Jane Austen’s Emma. Memorable dialogue! Some of my favorite movie lines ever.
“Whenever a boy comes, you should always have something cooking.”
“Ugh. As if.”
And so many more!
DESK SET
See my post about how the wrong guy leads to a set piece.
I love Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. One of my favorite scenes is their first lunch where she shows how intelligent she is and he is impressed, calling her a rare bird. And then the scene were Gig Young (her current “boyfriend”) shows up to find her having a cozy dinner with Spencer Tracy.
This screenplay was written by the parents of Nora Ephron.
HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days Brilliant and funny premise. She has to write a women’s magazine article about how to lose a guy in 10 days and he has 10 days to persuade her to fall in love with him so he can win the right to pitch an advertising campaign about diamonds. So many laugh-out-loud scenes. Smoking hot chemistry. One of my favorite movies!
LOVE JONES
Love Jones movie poster Described on the DVD cover as a “hip When Harry Met Sally.” A photographer and a writer get together, break up, get together again, and I won’t ruin the rest of the movie. The dialogue is meaningful and the friendships among this set of artistic friends are warm and supportive. And the soundtrack sets the mood! But note, it’s more of a romance than a romantic comedy.
MAN UP
Snappy dialogue, great premise, great comedic set scenes. He’s supposed to meet a blind date under the clock who is reading a certain book. He mistakes her for his blind date and she goes along with that. So, there’s the “scam” set-up.
MIRACLE ON 34th STREET
I like to watch this every Christmas. It’s about a divorcee who doesn’t believe in Santa Claus and doesn’t believe in imagination/love, so the neighbor next door tries to persuade her to give love a second chance and Santa Claus tries to persuade her little girl that he is Santa Claus. I like the career woman plot and the Santa Claus on trial plot. That trial scene is one of my favorite movie scenes.
OVERBOARD
Great chemistry, great premise, great comedy, great comedic set scenes, Goldie Hawn. Need I say more?
I also wrote a blog post on the new Overboard. Although it’s not as good as this one, it’s not bad. And it has some funny scenes in its own right.
TWO WEEKS NOTICE
Two Weeks Notice movie poster Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant. They are both such talented comedic actors. A dedicated environmental lawyer agrees to work for billionaire real estate developer Hugh Grant if he agrees to preserve her local community center. The movie opens with Sandra Bullock trying to stop the destruction of the community center with her own body. Way to start with action.
WHEN HARRY MET SALLY
Movie poster from When Harry Met Sally Nora Ephron (writer) is one of my idols. With Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal. On-point dialogue and one of my favorite films exploring male/female friendship and dating. Another must-see classic.
Let’s Talk: Favorite Romcoms?
What are some of your favorite romantic comedies? I am looking for some more romantic comedies to watch at night while #stayinghome, so I would love any suggestions. Why are those your favorites? Even as I write this, I can think of more favorites. It’s so hard to choose!
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Favorite Romantic Comedies
Here are some of my favorite romantic comedies (in alphabetical order).
ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE
I highly recommend this film. The dialogue is smart and witty. I loved the relationships between all the characters.
See my post about how the wrong guy/girl in ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE propels the plot.
BABY BOOM
Baby Boom I love Diane Keaton. And Baby Boom has many empowering themes. The set-up is well done, showing how her relationship is lacking with her current boyfriend, the competitive atmosphere at the office, and how she has clipped this newspaper clipping for this farmhouse in Maine. There’s the back-stabbing male colleague, her attempt at diapering the baby, her buying the falling-down farmhouse and building up her baby food business. And there is sizzling chemistry between Diane Keaton and Sam Shepard.
BRIDGET JONES‘S DIARY
Based on Pride and Prejudice. Love, love, love! I love her character and her friends, the chemistry with Hugh Grant and with Colin Firth sizzles, and the the triangle is brilliantly done. Brilliant dialogue. Love everything about this movie. It’s a classic!
CLUELESS
Based on Jane Austen’s Emma. Memorable dialogue! Some of my favorite movie lines ever.
“Whenever a boy comes, you should always have something cooking.”
“Ugh. As if.”
And so many more!
CRASH LANDING ON YOU
CRASH LANDING ON YOU I loved this! It was so addictive. And I really enjoyed the romance, comedy and suspense.
DESK SET
Desk Set with Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy See my post about how the wrong guy leads to the set piece.
I love Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. One of my favorite scenes is their first lunch where she shows how intelligent she is and he appreciates it.
This screenplay was written by the parents of Nora Ephron.
HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS
Brilliant and funny premise. She has to write a women’s magazine article about how to lose a guy in 10 days and he has 10 days to persuade her to fall in love with him so he can win the right to pitch an advertising campaign about diamonds.
So many laugh-out-loud scenes.
Smoking hot chemistry. Love this movie!
MAN UP
Snappy dialogue, great premise, great comedic set scenes. He’s supposed to meet a blind date under the clock who is reading a certain book. He mistakes her for his blind date and she goes along with that.
MIRACLE ON 34th STREET
I like to watch this every Christmas (the 1947 version). I like the career woman plot and the Santa Claus on trial plot. That trial scene is one of my favorite movie scenes.
OVERBOARD
Great chemistry, great premise, great comedy, great comedic set scenes, Goldie Hawn. Need I say more?
I also wrote a blog post on the new Overboard.
THE PROPOSAL
I just re-watched this recently and the dialogue is just so good. And there are so many good comedy scenes.
WHEN HARRY MET SALLY
This movie was written by Nora Ephron. With Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal. Great dialogue and one of my favorite films exploring male/female friendship and dating.
Let’s Talk: Favorite Romcoms?
What are some of your favorite romantic comedies? And why are those your favorites? Even as I write this, I can think of more favorites. It’s so hard to choose!
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The RomCom Bellamy in ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE
Always Be My Maybe Movie Poster The RomCom “Bellamy” or Wrong Guy/Girl in ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE is pivotal to pushing Sasha and Marcus together. There are three Bellamys in ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE: Sasha’s fiance, her new boyfriend and Marcus’ girlfriend.
But first, SPOILER ALERT. Go watch ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE before you read this post because there are spoilers below. The movie is SO good. It’s available on Netflix.
As a reminder, Billy Mernit uses the term “Bellamy” to describe the rejected suitor in Writing the Romantic Comedy.
The Functions of the RomCom Bellamy in ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE
The RomCom Bellamy in ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE has several functions (per my earlier post):
- shows how right Sasha (Ali Wong) and Marcus (Randall Park) are for each other
- creates tension and conflict
- leads to the hysterical set piece scene where they double date
Sasha’s Fiance
This picture says it all. He’s more interested in looking at his phone than talking to her.
Sasha with her fiancee – the picture says it all as to why he’s the WRONG GUY He then wants to move their wedding back, separate, travel to India and date other people, so that they’re sure.
Sasha then rails to Marcus that her fiance was like a gorgeous statue, that she couldn’t be herself, and men always say they want a strong woman, but what they really want is a cheerleader. All of which points to Marcus as the ideal mate for her: she is herself with him.
Marcus’s Girlfriend
How is Jenny, Marcus’s girlfriend, wrong for Marcus? Well, she’s not Sasha, as his Dad says.
But even earlier, we know. First, his best friend doesn’t want to join them for dinner when he realizes it’s with Jenny. And second, when Jenny cooks a meal for Sasha and Marcus, and it’s inedible. Now Sasha is a renowned chef, so this highlights the qualities of Sasha as being the right person. Because who first taught Sasha to cook? Marcus’s mom. So a person who can cook is important for Marcus.
Sasha’s New Boyfriend: Keanu Reeves
Now it starts to get really fun. Marcus’s Dad has told Marcus that his girlfriend is not The One because she’s not Sasha (even though she’s nice and loves children). His dad tells him to ACT and not to live with regrets.
So Marcus is about to tell Sasha he likes her, WHEN she announces excitedly she met someone and had amazing sex.
Ooh, unexpected twist.
So now, the Bellamy is creating conflict. Marcus knows what he wants: Sasha, but he can’t go for it because Sasha’s completely enamored of her new boyfriend. Maybe he has even missed his chance.
And then Sasha suggests that they have a double date.
Leading to the Double Date “Set Piece”
What is a set piece?
According to Billy Mernit in Writing the Romantic Comedy,
” . . . in addition to some scene that delivers full-blown romance, a romantic comedy is generally expected to have at least one scene or sequence that’s consistently laugh-out-loud funny. The industry term for such an element is set piece.”
Writing the Romantic Comedy, by Billy Mernit at p. 274.And he continues:
“A set piece is an extended scene or sequence that exploits the setting or world of the movie to build from one joke or thrill to a series of same, climaxing in a satisfyingly big payoff topper.”
Writing the Romantic Comedy, by Billy Mernit at p. 275The Double Date “Set Piece”
The set piece in ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE is BRILLIANT. The setting is a fancy restaurant (exploiting that Sasha is a chef and one of the running themes/jokes that fancy restaurants don’t serve enough food). Keanu Reeves playing himself as a movie star appears–in slow motion. Each course is its own joke as they are served some pretentious smidgeon of food, and the dialogue between the four ups the tension.
Sasha asks Marcus his opinion of Keanu Reeves and he calls him a “douche-bag.” Again, this highlights how Marcus is right for Sasha. He’ s not afraid to be honest with her and say what he thinks or call her out.
Marcus proceeds to look more and more unhappy as the meal progresses. They then proceed to a nightcap at the hotel, where emotional truths are revealed, as the tension reaches its peak between Marcus and Keanu (and it is TENSE). And then there’s a fight between Keanu and Marcus.
And who does Sasha rescue? Marcus. Yes, the fight between Marcus and the Bellamy shows Sasha who she really loves.
Then, there’s a release of tension and the TOPPER in the cab ride home as the camera pans over to the third passenger in the Uber Pool. (So funny).
Let’s Talk
So, have you seen ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE? What was your favorite part? Can you think of other functions that the wrong girl/guys serve? What are your thoughts?
I hope you are all safe and healthy and #stayinghome. I find watching and reading romcoms helps make me less stressed. And now Dav Pilkey of Dog Man is giving art lessons too.
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Black History Month Book Recommendations
For Black History Month, I thought I’d give some book recommendations of some of my favorite books by black women authors. Many of these are classics, and heart-breaking, but I love them.
- How It Went Down by Kekla Magoon
- Brown Girl, Brownstones by Paule Marshall
- Passing by Nella Larsen
- Corregidora by Gayle Jones
Short Summaries of Each Book Rec
How It Went Down
How It Went Down is a very quick read, but also heartbreaking. I read it for my book club. “When sixteen-year-old Tariq Johnson dies from two gunshot wounds, his community is thrown into an uproar. Tariq was black. The shooter, Jack Franklin, is white. In the aftermath of Tariq’s death, everyone has something to say, but no two accounts of the events line up. Day by day, new twists further obscure the truth.”
Corregidora
Amazon describes Corregidora as the tale of blues singer Ursa, consumed by the hatred of the slave master who fathered both her grandmother and her mother. And that sentence alone gives me chills. I read this in college and still remember it vividly.
Brown Girl, Brownstones
I discovered Paule Marshall and absolutely LOVED Brown Girl, Brownstones. Maybe because it was set in New York and because my mom firmly believes in buying a brownstone in NY. I remember waiting anxiously for Marshall’s new releases. I was so excited when Daughters came out.
Brown Girl, Brownstones is about a Barbadian immigrant family living in Brooklyn. The protagonist is a ten-year old girl who strives to define her own identity “as she struggles to surmount the racism and poverty that surround her.” Her father wants to return to Barbados and her mother is trying to save money to buy a brownstone in Brooklyn.
Passing
Passing was published in 1929. (I love books set in the Roaring ’20’s). Set primarily in Harlem, “the story centers on the reunion of two childhood friendsâClare Kendry and Irene Redfieldâand their increasing fascination with each other’s lives. The book examines each womanâs approach to passing for white. Irene, who is insecure, seems to envy Clareâs confidence and also resent it.” She fears that Clare has made a dangerous mistake by pretending to be white to her racist husband. (from the Wikipedia summary).
#TBR Pile for YA Black History Month Book Recommendations
I have both these books in my #tbr pile as well as The Hate You Give. My daughter recommended One Crazy Summer and the rest of the series.
One Crazy Summer by Rita Williams-Garcia is “the heartbreaking, funny tale of three girls who travel to Oakland, California in 196 in search of the mother who abandoned them.”
The Young Landlords by Walter Dean Myers: “They were out to save the world–and were lucky to save their skins.” A bunch of young kids buy a building.
#TBR for Romance Books
And on my #TBR for more fun reading: The Proposal by Jasmine Guillory and In Rhythm by JN Welsh.
The Proposal: “When freelance writer Nikole Paterson goes to a Dodgers game with her actor boyfriend, his man bun, and his bros, the last thing she expects is a scoreboard proposal. Saying no isn’t the hard partâthey’ve only been dating for five months, and he canât even spell her name correctly. The hard part is having to face a stadium full of disappointed fans… At the game with his sister, Carlos Ibarra comes to Nikâs rescue and rushes her away from a camera crew. . . “
I love the cover too! I bought In Rhythm because the protagonist is a female DJ. And she actually falls for a Dutch guy. (I’m half-Dutch). “With a shared passion for music and an intense mutual attraction, the pair should be totally in sync. Instead, Zazzle’s reputation has Velvet hitting Pause.” I just started reading it and I love the way JN Welsh writes. Her dialogue is so realistic. But it does have a content warning that it deals with addiction.
Let’s Talk
Do you have any book recommendations?
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Create More Action and Tension in a Manuscript
I labeled my scenes action vs. dialogue per my earlier post, so now I think I need to create more action and tension in my manuscript.
How can I add action when my protagonist is sitting in an office? I canât invent a space ship or aliens attacking her. (Well, I can, but I’d be in another genre.) She accidently staples her fingers?
So now I’ve added another antagonist who is metaphorically trying to staple my protagonist. Mwuah hah hah.
I also turned to my craft books for advice.
Creating More Action and Tension in a MS Per Dwight Swain
Dwight Swainâs Advice â Add Feeling, Action, Speech
I read Techniques of the Selling Writer by Dwight V. Swain, recommended by Linnea Sinclair and I found what I needed to do.
1) To add tension, you need to show the characterâs reaction to an event.
2) The character reaction is âfeeling, action, speech.â (p. 56).My character usually talks in reaction, which made me realize Iâve been leaving out the feeling and the action. I definitely haven’t been using all the “glandular and muscular reactions” (at p. 72). (Am I really supposed to use glandular reactions? That feels so raw.)
a. What is feeling? Dwight Swain explains:
âPanic races through you.
Panic is feeling.
Like magic, sweat slicks your palms and soaks your armpits and trickles down your spine. . .
Actions, one and all.â ( at p. 57) (Also very glandular.)Or his example:
âHi Jill!â he called. âHowâs it going?â
Feeling: A glow of warmth at his friendliness crept through Jill.
Action: She smiled.
Speech: âJust fine, thanks,â she said. ( at p. 58)Heâs not recommending that you always use all three components, but rather add it to your writer’s toolbox.
Tension â Internal and External Conflict
And just as I was thinking about this, this on-topic post from https://nybookeditors.com/2019/05/how-to-raise-the-stakes-in-your-novel-and-create-a-gripping-story/ popped up. They suggest adding internal conflict among several other items on the checklist. I recommend reading article and getting the checklist. My protagonist has external and internal conflict, but I havenât always highlighted the internal conflict.
As Lisa Cron writes,
“[T]he protagonist’s internal struggle is the story’s third rail, the live wire that sparks out interest and drives the story forward.”
Story Genius, by Lisa Cron at p. 18End In Disaster
I also re-read parts of Jack Bickham’s Scene and Structure, another craft book I also highly recommend.
“Disaster works (moves the story forward) by seeming to move the central figure further back from his goal, leaving him in worse trouble than he was before the scene started.”
Scene & Structure by Jack Bickham at p. 42.What are your thoughts?
Do you have any advice on how to create more action and tension in a MS? How do you develop your protagonist’s internal conflict? What kind of books do you like to read?